As The Sparks Fly Upward

Al Asad suffered another sand storm last night, again around 6 PM. I saw it coming when I went to take an early shower, and I abandoned that plan and grabbed my camera. I have a two-minute video of this thing slowly but surely blacking out the sun and engulfing our camp, while CPT Baker and I sat there and stupidly filmed the thing. I needed a shower when that was finally over. In watching the video today, although it has the herky-jerkiness of a digicam video, it does indeed capture the ominous feel of the descending crud, and you can hear the wind slowly but surly pick up until the end, it sounds like I am standing in a hurricane. If/when I get permission, I’ll upload it for you.

Clinic here has slowed down to a crawl for the last two weeks, and I’ve seen only about 10-15 patients a day over that time period. Most common issues:

1. musculoskeletal pains – Everybody has these. Heck, I have them too.
2. upper respiratory symptoms (either a viral infection, or allergies, or both) – Ditto the above.
3. problems “down there” – Gosh help me. When I get out of Al Asad, even if I never see any real trauma, I will still suffer from severe PTSTDTD (post-traumatic sexually-transmitted-disease treatment disorder). They are all bad, but HPV is the worst. I’ll let you look that one up on your own…
4. insomnia – Surprisingly common here, but I suppose that this is a bad place for a natural worrier, as there are so many things to stress about (one’s personal safety, issues with the family at home, etc). Everyone wants Ambien. Everyone. Unless they are about to board a trans-continental plane, I do not give it to them. I have yet to write a single Ambien prescription since I got here, but half of the people are on it, so someone is writing for it.

I have lately been considering typing out a very short handout, to give to every patient who comes into the clinic. Here’s how it would go:

Troop Medical Clinic FAQ

Q: Major Rupard, may I have a prescription for Ambien and/or Percocet?

A: No.

Q: Please?

A: No.

Q: Pretty please?

A: No.

Q: Okay, well then can you at least help me with my problem “down there”?

A: How much Ambien and Percocet would you like?

So, kids, I arrived in Al Asad one month ago today. So it must be time to regale you with:

A few things I have learned during my first month of deployment

1. The LDS church is really the same everywhere, which is really a very comforting thing. The exception here is that Sunday services only last 45 minutes. If you feel any jealousy towards me about this latter fact, well that is just something you will have to deal with on your own. Meanwhile, I’ll be busy taking a Sunday nap. My second one.
2. KBR, the company which makes the food, provides the living quarters, toilets, gymnasium, etc, actually does a pretty decent job. Sure, we complain about the quality of some of these things (as I have done on this blog), but in reality, ‘taint too bad for combat zone livin’.
3. On a related note, the great majority of Americans (including deployed Americans) have an altogether skewed and incorrect view of KBR, Halliburton (the former parent company of KBR) and Vice President Dick Cheney. Here’s the one-sentence primer: VP Cheney resigned from Halliburton BEFORE he took office, has not pocketed a dime from them since he took office, and even his pension payments from that company go 100% to charity. These are all very well documented facts; non-believers go to wikipedia, or factcheck.org, and you’ll see the actual documents. You don’t have to like the Veep (I know many do not, but I love the guy), but if you dislike him, at least do so for legitimate reasons.
4. The media/Democratic representation of the war in Iraq is all over the map. They are very careful to view all soldiers as “heroes,” which I suppose is a nice thing (though clearly quite over-the-top for Fobbits like yours truly), while portraying the Bush administration as all-out evil warmongers. This is the “Blame America First” crowd, and I am convinced that they will not change their jaded ways. The President, of course, takes the brunt of this, and is consistently portrayed by the Idiotarians as stupid, incompetent, and uncaring. Well, I’ve given this some serious thought, and I want to go on record here and now on my strong belief that President Bush is, in fact, very caring. (Now you know why I like Cheney so much.)
5. People love me. I got two packages since Sunday, one from the Fillmore family in Evans, Georgia, full of goodies and drawings from the kids. A sincere thanks from the men and women of the 581st Area Support Medical Company, and especially from this one. Mom and dad also chimed in with a loaded package, including nuts (my favorite!) and Fig Newtons (my favorite! Really this time!) and Mentos (yeah, baby!) and a few cups o’ pizza. Oh, and a box of Kudos bars, which are truly My Favorite. Exclamation point. Thanks, mom and dad. Now just one more thing I need from you: stay healthy until I get home. (Q: Pretty please? A: Yes!)
6. When I feel a bit down about being away from the fam, I load up the video posted below, which Maya sang in front of the entire school for Veterans Day. It never ceases to cheer me up, and make me remember how very very lucky I am. If you haven’t seen this before, shame on you! You call yourself a Rupard? Take it away, Maya.

I have missed a few of you who have written e-mails or posted on the blog recently, including Lisa (I have the Spoons “Ga Ga Ga Ga” but have not listened to it much. My first listen I liked it, but for some reason never played it again, but I will), and Molly Rupard (Cool! Thanks for thinking of me). There are a few others as well, and I’ll respond to everyone as I get the time.